Depression and the Holidays

Seasonal Affective Disorder causes stress to millions of people worldwide. The changes in the seasons, the holidays, the change in weather all affect people on a primal and very physical level.

The holidays can be a serious trigger for depression. I know they are for me. Relapse is one of my biggest worries during this time of year. Not seeing my kids, being alone… it is really hard. I don’t have a relationship with my family anymore because of their fundamentalist leanings. (After my first marriage and divorce, I was effectively shunned.)

I did get to see my kids for a few hours Christmas day, but it’s hard to deal with knowing that they have an entire life without me now and always will. I mean, I know that eventually they would grow up and be without me but I didn’t expect it to happen so young.

My wife told me she’s seeing someone. Ex-wife. It’s our first Christmas without being a family. I hadn’t expected her to start dating so soon, but it was inevitable. She’s the one who left, so I guess that’s normal for her to move on so fast.

It hurts knowing that I am replaced and that her new boyfriend will be sitting on my spot on the couch. Nothing I can do about it I guess. Just didn’t expect to be dealing with it so soon.

 

(written several days ago, but decided to put it here so that it doesn’t get lost.)

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